{"id":4454,"date":"2021-03-23T12:06:56","date_gmt":"2021-03-23T12:06:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/commonthreads.org.uk\/?p=4454"},"modified":"2023-06-19T07:08:02","modified_gmt":"2023-06-19T06:08:02","slug":"your-arse-is-not-good-by-dr-he-min-associate-professor-of-early-childhood-education-department-faculty-of-education-east-china-normal-university","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/commonthreads.org.uk\/index.php\/2021\/03\/23\/your-arse-is-not-good-by-dr-he-min-associate-professor-of-early-childhood-education-department-faculty-of-education-east-china-normal-university\/","title":{"rendered":"PARS Blog – “Your arse is not good” by Dr He Min, Professor of Early Childhood Education Department, East China Normal University, China"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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<\/p>\n

I observed a 3-year old boy, who stood near a swing made of rope with a wooden seat. The boy saw <\/strong>an older girl jump up and hold on a rope to make her sit on the seat and swing back and forth. When the\u00a0<\/strong>girl left, he stretched his arm upward to hold the rope and shrank his leg to swing, that\u2019s just a little move\u00a0<\/strong>compare to the girls way of swing.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Every time the older and taller children came, the boy always let them use this rope swing and stood\u00a0<\/strong>by to watch them jump and sit on the seat. Sometimes the three year old boy even gave the older\u00a0<\/strong>children a push to make them swing higher and make more joy. He stayed there while others come and\u00a0<\/strong>went. He liked this play so much that he never went to other places.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Before the PARS course, I would have thought to myself, \u201cHe must need some adults to help him to sit on the seat to swing. I will go help him to sit on the seat and help him to have a nice experience\u201d. I would have thought that it would have felt nice for me to provide assistance and assumed that both of us would be happy about that. But I remembered the method of reflective practice, so I asked myself did I know if the child wanted me to help him? Why did he not ask anyone to help?<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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<\/p>\n

Then a man came to look at him for some minutes and asked him: \u201cWhy you don\u2019t do like others? How much fun they have to sit and swing.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy said, \u201dThey are older and I\u2019m younger. I can\u2019t do this now, but later I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour arse isn\u2019t good, not so good as theirs , so you cannot sit on the wood to swing\u201d said the man .<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m younger, shorter with less strength, so I can\u2019t do like them\u201d, the boy announced again. He must have been puzzled by the man\u2019s words, and so was I. What did it mean to say that a person\u2019s arse is not good? At this point, a girl came and jumped up to hold the rope to sit on the seat, and swung with exciting shouting.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen your arse isn\u2019t good, then you cannot sit on the wood, look! She can\u201d, the man commented,  and pushed the girl to make her higher. The boy looked with smile and joined in pushing the girl until she asked for stop.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can hold you to sit on the wood stick!\u201d said the man and he held his arm out.<\/p>\n

Still the boy refused and said, \u201cI can do it by myself when I grow up in some days.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, but then you need to wait for some days or months, why don\u2019t you want to try now?\u201d said the man.<\/p>\n

 The boy didn\u2019t respond, just looked at the rope. Maybe he felt his explanation was quite clear.<\/p>\n

 \u201cYou arse isn\u2019t good, you have a not good arse, little boy, \u201d the man muttered, shaking his head and leaving.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t
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<\/p>\n

How firm was the boy to insist on not enjoying him with the present fun if he needed other\u2019s help! How clearly he knew his own needs – he wanted to have fun by himself, regardless of longer time he must wait for this. How confident he was to know he would be competent to do what he wanted to by himself one day and expressed this clearly. That\u2019s really difference from other children and adults like me and the man. It\u2019s so important to know what the children want and need, not impose adults feeling or eagerness onto them. We need to know children\u2019s will and wishes in specific situations.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

The boy might had been able to hold on to sit, but felt uncomfortable for he was short and would feel uncertain if his feet could not touch the surface of the ground. It\u2019s wise for him to wait until he grows taller. He was right – he couldn\u2019t do what he would like to do, just because he was younger and shorter without enough strength, and not because he had a not good arse like the man said.<\/p>\n

I also saw the boy\u2019s mastery of delayed gratification, knowing his own abilities and limits, and making judgments and decisions for himself, without any envy or jealousness of the older children who could do what he couldn\u2019t. He also had a very nice skill of emotional adjustment at 3 years old. \u00a0He showed great self confidence in front of older peers and adults, and had a plan for what he would like to do in the future and a plan for his play.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Reflective practice is important. If we listen to children carefully, we can know more about them. We need to know the children\u2019s intentions or wishes clearly. We should trust that children can develop naturally and gradually. Adults shouldn\u2019t be over intended even though we are well-meaning. As the traditional saying goes, well-meaning often cause bad results.<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

So I asked the boy \u201cWhy do you not sit on the seat to swing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I can\u2019t, for I\u2019m short,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want to sit on it? You can jump up and hold the rope like others do, that will be wonderful\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would like to do that, but I can\u2019t jump so high and can\u2019t have the strength to hold the rope\u201d he answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want me to hold you up to sit on the wood to swing higher?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I will wait till I grow up and get higher, I\u2019m sure I can do that like the older ones one day\u201d, he refused, with very clear thinking.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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I was surprised by his confident and clear plan on how to play and when to play and to achieve his aim without being in haste. So I kept standing by with a sense of uncomfortableness about his refusal and a sense of pity for his missing out on the joy of swinging by sitting on the seat as he could have done if he accepted my help. If I was him, I would very much like to experience swinging high and safely. \u00a0But I realized that these were my feelings, not his. So I needed to adjust myself and not to mistake my own feelings as his.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

The boy continued to try to hold the rope and move his leg towards the swing with a smile on his face. Other boys and girls came to use this rope swing and he was always kind and let them use it.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

<\/p>\n

Then a man came to look at him for some minutes and asked him: \u201cWhy you don\u2019t do like others? How much fun they have to sit and swing.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy said, \u201dThey are older and I\u2019m younger. I can\u2019t do this now, but later I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour arse isn\u2019t good, not so good as theirs , so you cannot sit on the wood to swing\u201d said the man .<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m younger, shorter with less strength, so I can\u2019t do like them\u201d, the boy announced again. He must have been puzzled by the man\u2019s words, and so was I. What did it mean to say that a person\u2019s arse is not good? At this point, a girl came and jumped up to hold the rope to sit on the seat, and swung with exciting shouting.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen your arse isn\u2019t good, then you cannot sit on the wood, look! She can\u201d, the man commented,  and pushed the girl to make her higher. The boy looked with smile and joined in pushing the girl until she asked for stop.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can hold you to sit on the wood stick!\u201d said the man and he held his arm out.<\/p>\n

Still the boy refused and said, \u201cI can do it by myself when I grow up in some days.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, but then you need to wait for some days or months, why don\u2019t you want to try now?\u201d said the man.<\/p>\n

 The boy didn\u2019t respond, just looked at the rope. Maybe he felt his explanation was quite clear.<\/p>\n

 \u201cYou arse isn\u2019t good, you have a not good arse, little boy, \u201d the man muttered, shaking his head and leaving.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

<\/p>\n

How firm was the boy to insist on not enjoying him with the present fun if he needed other\u2019s help! How clearly he knew his own needs – he wanted to have fun by himself, regardless of longer time he must wait for this. How confident he was to know he would be competent to do what he wanted to by himself one day and expressed this clearly. That\u2019s really difference from other children and adults like me and the man. It\u2019s so important to know what the children want and need, not impose adults feeling or eagerness onto them. We need to know children\u2019s will and wishes in specific situations.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

The boy might had been able to hold on to sit, but felt uncomfortable for he was short and would feel uncertain if his feet could not touch the surface of the ground. It\u2019s wise for him to wait until he grows taller. He was right – he couldn\u2019t do what he would like to do, just because he was younger and shorter without enough strength, and not because he had a not good arse like the man said.<\/p>\n

I also saw the boy\u2019s mastery of delayed gratification, knowing his own abilities and limits, and making judgments and decisions for himself, without any envy or jealousness of the older children who could do what he couldn\u2019t. He also had a very nice skill of emotional adjustment at 3 years old. \u00a0He showed great self confidence in front of older peers and adults, and had a plan for what he would like to do in the future and a plan for his play.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Reflective practice is important. If we listen to children carefully, we can know more about them. We need to know the children\u2019s intentions or wishes clearly. We should trust that children can develop naturally and gradually. Adults shouldn\u2019t be over intended even though we are well-meaning. As the traditional saying goes, well-meaning often cause bad results.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/figure>\n

<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  I observed a 3-year old boy, who stood near a swing made of rope with a wooden seat. The boy saw an older girl jump up and hold on a rope to make her sit on the seat and swing back and forth. 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